孩子们的天真无邪
The Innocence of Children
【经典谚语】
Benefits please like flowers, while they are fresh.
恩泽让人欣喜，犹如鲜花使人心醉。
STORY 1 The Twins
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance1 to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a hopeless pessimist2.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure3.
That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
“Why are you crying?” the father asked.
“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff. I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken,” answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony4 in here somewhere!”
STORY 2 Ways to Report Death
Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat named Edgar.
James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbert meticulous5 instructions about the pet’s care.
At the end of this first day away, James telephoned his brother. “How is Edgar?”
“Edgar is dead.” Herbert answered.
There was a pause. Then James said, “Herbert, you’re insensitive6, you know how close I was to Edgar—you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said, ‘Edgar’s on the roof, but I have called the fire department to get him down.’ And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the fire-men have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian’s7. Then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That’s the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar. And, oh, before I forget,” James added, “how is mother?”
“Oh,” Herbert said, pausing for a moment, “she’s on the roof.”
故事1 双胞胎
从前有对双胞胎，他们除了长得很像以外，就没什么一样的了。一个说天气太热，另一个就会说太冷。一个说电视声音太大，另一个就要说声音还不够大。他们总是事事相反，一个非常乐观，另一个却是彻头彻尾的悲观主义者。
在双胞胎生日那天，父亲给悲观的弟弟的房间里堆满了好玩的玩具和游戏机，却给乐观的哥哥的房间里堆满了马粪。来看看发生了什么吧。
晚上，父亲经过弟弟房间时，看到他坐在礼物堆中哭得非常伤心。
“你为什么哭呢？”父亲问道。
“因为我的朋友们会嫉妒我的玩具啊。在玩这些东西之前，我还得把所有的说明书都读懂，我还得经常给它们买电池，而且这些玩具总有一天会坏掉的。”悲观的弟弟回答道。
当父亲经过哥哥的房间时，他发现乐观的哥哥正在马粪当中玩得手舞足蹈。父亲便问道：“你为什么这么开心？”
乐观的哥哥回答道：“这里面肯定有一匹小马驹！”
故事2 报丧的技巧
从前有两个兄弟名叫赫伯特和詹姆斯，他们同母亲住在一起，还养了一只猫，名叫埃德加。
詹姆斯非常喜欢这只猫，有一次他要出去几天，便给赫伯特留下了详细的说明，告诉他应该怎样照顾他的宠物猫。
在他离家的第一天晚上，詹姆斯打电话给他的弟弟，问：“埃德加还好吧？”
“埃德加死了。”赫伯特回答道。
詹姆斯沉默了一下，接着说道：“赫伯特，你真是神经大条，你知道我有多喜欢埃德加，你应该慢慢告诉我这个消息的。你应该这样，当我第一天问你埃德加怎么样的时候，你应该说，‘埃德加跑到了屋顶上，我已经给消防员打电话请求帮助了。’第二天我问的时候，你就说，消防员救埃德加的时候遇到一点麻烦，但是相信他们一定能把埃德加救下来。然后我第三天打电话时，你告诉我说消防员虽然尽力了，不幸的是埃德加还是从屋顶上掉了下来，正在兽医诊所抢救。我最后一次打电话来时，你才说尽管采取了各种抢救措施，埃德加还是没能被救活，不幸去世了。这才是细心人的回答方式。噢，对了，差点忘了问，妈妈怎么样了？”
“噢，”赫伯特停顿了一下，回答道，“她在屋顶上。”
【注释】
1 resemblance [rzemblns] n. 相似之处；类似之处
2 pessimist [pesmst] n. 悲观主义者，悲观者；厌世者
3 manure [mn] n. 肥料，粪便
4 pony [''pn] n. 矮种马，小型马
5 meticulous [mtkjls] a. 谨小慎微的；过度重视细节的
6 insensitive [nsenstv] a. 感觉迟钝的；（对某事物）无感觉的；（对变化）懵然不知的；不敏感的
7 veterinarian [vetrnerin] n. 兽医
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